From iced coffee and mystery symptoms to nervous system nightmares and herbal apocalypse kits.
If you've been following along with Full Scale Wellness this October, you've probably noticed that I have a bit of a thing for Halloween. Okay, maybe more than a bit. Between the herbs, the folklore, the changing seasons, and the opportunity to embrace my inner bog witch, this is easily one of my favorite times of year. And this month, I've had an especially good time bringing a little spooky humor into conversations about health and wellness.
But beneath all the ghosts, zombies, and witchy jokes, there's something I genuinely love about this kind of content. Sometimes humor is the easiest way to talk about the things we see every day in healthcare that are actually pretty frustrating. The habits we don't question, the symptoms we've learned to normalize, and the quick fixes we keep reaching for instead of asking why something is happening in the first place.
So before we pack away the pumpkins and move into the darker, quieter months of the year, I thought we'd take one final trip through the haunted house of naturopathic medicine. Don't worry, there are no jump scares. Well, unless you tell me you've been throwing away perfectly good pumpkin seeds.
The Haunted House of Things That Make Your Naturopathic Doctor Scream
Imagine walking into a haunted house, except instead of ghosts and monsters, you find someone drinking iced coffee for breakfast, eating a cold salad for lunch, and wondering why they're bloated, exhausted, and constantly freezing. From a Traditional Chinese Medicine perspective, this is practically a horror movie. In TCM, digestion is associated with the Spleen and Stomach systems, which are thought to function best with warmth and regular nourishment. That doesn't mean you can never enjoy an iced latte or a salad, but if you're struggling with digestive discomfort, fatigue, or feeling chronically cold, looking at how and when you're eating can be a surprisingly useful place to start.
In the next room, someone tells me, "Isn't everybody a little autistic or ADHD?" And somewhere in the distance, a naturopathic doctor screams. Neurodivergence isn't simply a collection of relatable quirks, and casually dismissing someone's lived experience can make it harder for people to understand their needs or seek meaningful support. We can acknowledge that everyone occasionally gets distracted or overwhelmed without pretending that everyone experiences the world in the same way.
Then we enter the digestive health wing, where someone has been constipated for years and is convinced that eating one kiwi every day is going to solve everything. Now, I have nothing against kiwi. Fiber, hydration, and food choices absolutely matter, and kiwi can be genuinely helpful for some people. But constipation isn't always just a matter of needing more fruit. It can involve motility, medications, hormones, pelvic floor function, nervous system regulation, and a whole collection of other factors. Sometimes the most important question isn't "What can I take for this?" but "Why is this happening?"
And then there's the environmental medicine room. Someone is complaining about allergies, headaches, and constant irritation while burning three scented candles, spraying Febreze, and washing every piece of clothing in heavily fragranced detergent with extra scent boosters. Cue the horror movie music, because the fragrance is coming from inside the house. Fragranced products can be a significant trigger for sensitive individuals, and sometimes reducing the number of things we're breathing in is a more useful starting point than adding another product to the routine.
Of course, we can't leave without visiting the pumpkin graveyard, where perfectly good pumpkins are being thrown directly into the trash. As an herbalist, gardener, and enthusiastic food preserver, this one hurts my soul. Pumpkin flesh can become soups, breads, purées, and preserved food for the winter, while the seeds provide nutrients and have a long history of traditional use. Even the parts you don't eat can return to the compost pile. Not every pumpkin needs to become medicine, but there's something deeply satisfying about recognizing how much usefulness is hiding inside something we've come to treat as a disposable decoration.
What's Haunting Your Nervous System?
The next part of our haunted house is a little less funny, because some of the scariest things aren't monsters at all. They're the everyday pressures we've gotten so accustomed to that we barely recognize how much they're affecting us.
It's the phone that never stops buzzing, the constant stream of bad news, the pressure to be productive every waking moment, and the feeling that we're somehow falling behind even when we've been busy all day. It's skipping meals because there's too much to do, surviving on caffeine because we're exhausted, and then wondering why our bodies have such a difficult time winding down at night. It's treating rest like something we have to earn instead of something our bodies need.
Our nervous systems are constantly gathering information about our surroundings and deciding how to respond. When we're repeatedly exposed to stress, uncertainty, noise, interruptions, and demands on our attention, it can become difficult to shift out of that heightened state of alertness. Over time, that can influence sleep, digestion, pain, mood, concentration, and how we experience everyday life.
One of the things I talk about frequently in my practice is that nervous system support doesn't have to mean adding another complicated wellness routine to an already overwhelming schedule. Sometimes it means eating a real lunch, taking a few quiet minutes between appointments, getting outside, turning off notifications, or recognizing that you don't actually have to respond to every message immediately. Acupuncture, breathing exercises, gentle movement, time in nature, and other supportive practices can also help create opportunities for the body to settle.
And as we move toward winter, this becomes especially important. The days are getting shorter, our schedules aren't necessarily getting any lighter, and many of us are still expecting ourselves to operate at the same pace we maintained during the brightest months of the year. The natural world is preparing to rest, but humans seem determined to schedule another meeting.
Perhaps the real horror story is how normal we've made chronic exhaustion.
What Would Your Local Bog Witch Pack for the Zombie Apocalypse?
After surviving that haunted house, it seems only reasonable to prepare for the zombie apocalypse. And while I sincerely hope we won't need to defend our gardens from the undead anytime soon, I do think there's something valuable about knowing how to take care of ourselves when modern conveniences aren't immediately available.
My survival kit would absolutely include an herbal first aid collection. Plants like plantain, calendula, and yarrow have long histories of traditional use, and knowing how to identify, harvest, and prepare useful herbs is a skill worth developing. I'd want dried herbs for teas, supplies for making simple preparations, and a good field guide. But I'd also have an actual first aid kit, because knowing how to use herbs and knowing when you need a bandage, sterile supplies, or emergency medical care are not mutually exclusive skills.
I'd also want a dependable source of clean water, electrolytes, and the ability to heat and prepare food. And yes, I'd bring my magnesium, because surviving the apocalypse sounds stressful enough without adding muscle cramps and constipation to the situation. Basic nutrition and hydration aren't particularly glamorous, but they're going to matter a lot more than whichever wellness trend happens to be popular that week.
Then there's food preservation. If you've spent any time around my homestead, you know I'm a fan of growing food, putting it up for winter, and finding ways to use what we have. Canning, dehydrating, fermenting, and knowing how to store food properly are practical skills whether you're preparing for zombies, a Nebraska blizzard, or simply an unexpectedly expensive trip to the grocery store. And please, for the love of everything, remember the manual can opener.
But perhaps the most valuable thing I'd want in my survival kit isn't something that fits into a backpack. It's knowledge. Knowing how to identify plants, prepare food, care for minor injuries, adapt when plans change, and recognize what your body needs can make you more resilient in all sorts of situations. I'd also want a community of people with different skills, because even the most resourceful bog witch can't do everything alone.
And if the zombies never arrive? Wonderful. We still have useful skills, a well-stocked pantry, and hopefully a little more confidence in our ability to handle whatever life throws at us.
The Real Magic Is Paying Attention
As much fun as I've had making spooky content this month, there's a common thread running through all of these stories. Whether we're talking about digestive symptoms, environmental exposures, nervous system stress, or preparing for emergencies, so much of wellness begins with paying attention.
Paying attention to the patterns in our bodies instead of dismissing symptoms as normal. Paying attention to our environments and the things we interact with every day. Paying attention to the changing seasons and recognizing that our needs may shift throughout the year. And paying attention to the knowledge and practical skills that help us care for ourselves and our communities.
That's a big part of what I love about naturopathic medicine, acupuncture, and herbalism. They give me different ways to explore those connections and help people become more curious about their own health. Not every problem has a simple solution, and not every symptom has one obvious cause, but asking better questions is often where meaningful change begins.
So as Halloween comes to a close and the wheel of the year turns toward November, your local bog witch will be packing away the spooky decorations and returning to her regularly scheduled professional appearance. Mostly.
She'll still be here, asking questions, making herbal preparations, talking about nervous systems, and quietly judging anyone who throws away a perfectly good pumpkin.
Happy Halloween from Full Scale Wellness. May your tea be warm, your pantry be stocked, and your haunted house contain significantly fewer scented candles. 🌿🎃
